Zhongdu Bridge has fallen, and the north is in chaos. Before this, I tried sending more than forty letters hom…
Zhongdu Bridge has fallen, and the north is in chaos.
Before this, I tried sending more than forty letters home, yet not one ever arrived. Only now do I understand why the poets say a letter from home is worth ten thousand in gold. Every word of it is written in tears.
And among all those many letters, there will never again be one that Yu writes for me, or for us.
When the academy was besieged, with food and water cut off and too few devices for a breakout, lots were drawn to decide who would go. Yu and I were both Mohist disciples, and teachers at the academy as well. From the first, we had meant to give our lives. Yet when Yu learned that I was with child, he secretly put my name into the lot tube without telling me. Cruel fate had its way, and the lot was truly drawn, leaving me to bear the pain of this parting.
It was only for the sake of the child within me that I managed to endure those bitter nights. And yet, with the whole north lost and my life cast into wandering ruin, I was still unable to...
I ought to have returned to the mountain and fulfilled Yu's filial duty to Father and Mother in his stead. But after all these calamities, my heart feels hollowed out, as though I have become an empty shell. My spirit is spent, my body worn thin, and I can no longer hold myself upright in this world.
Only one thought remains to me. Yu's record of the stars has not yet been finished.
Forgive me for my unfilial heart. I am going now to finish what Yu left unfinished, to record the mountains and rivers, the lay of the land, and the changes in the starry heavens. Give me no more than five years. When all is done, I will return to the mountain and fulfill Yu's duty to you.
Father, Mother, please take care of yourselves. The River of Stars is still there.