Most of what Shen Yu heard in her life were things she never wanted to hear. Eventually, she stopped wanting t…
Most of what Shen Yu heard in her life were things she never wanted to hear. Eventually, she stopped wanting to hear anything at all.
It wasn't hard. After all, they'd taught her other things. How to smile, how to cry. How to smile a beautiful, decorous smile at a banquet, how to keep smiling long enough to let others save face. How to cry just right, dabbing the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief, not a tear too many, not a tear too few.
So even when she stopped listening, she still wore that same practiced smile. So everyone said that Shen Yu was the most obedient girl in the world.
But she hadn't always been so obedient.
When she was six, she brought food to her father's study. She picked up a policy treatise and read it aloud line by line. Some characters she didn't know, so she read only half of them, flipping pages with a cheerful grin. When her father stormed out, face scowling, she didn't understand. And she got scolded by her father.
She learned that reading what you're not supposed to read will earn you punishment.
When she was eight, she slipped out of the estate for the first time. The streets were full of wonders she had never seen before, so many things to see. The next day, her father summoned her. Beside him stood two figures: a sharp-tongued grannie, and the pageboy who had followed her out yesterday.
From then on, she studied under that grannie every day. How to cry, how to smile, how to walk, how not to eat more than a few bites.
She learned that walking where you're not supposed to walk will earn you a punishment.
When she was twelve, while out admiring flowers, she glimpsed her reflection in a pond. She stared at the smiling face in the water. Then she picked up a stone and tossed it in. Ripples blurred the smile into something eerie.
Later, she was caned on the palms. Imperial Censor Shen asked her reason for being playful. She didn't answer. She didn't tell them that her smile had looked so fake it frightened her. She hadn't liked it.
Because by then, she already knew that saying what you're not supposed to say will earn you a punishment.
"A caged bird," someone once said, "just take the roof off, and it becomes a dragon. And a dragon can fly wherever it wants."
They never understood. After telling Shen Yu a thousand things, how could they be undone by just a single sentence from someone else?
But then again, a person is never truly moved by a single sentence. Unless it's something she's always wanted to say herself.